Sunday, September 19, 2010

"Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" - Zach's Take

A resounding meh.

That's all this movie elicits from me. It's just mediocre in the truest sense of the word. Not a single thing about the film is interesting in the least. Terrible, poorly-paced script. Bland performances. Stale action scenes. I'm sure I've said this is a previous review, but it bears repeating. When it comes to action movies, the story doesn't always have to be clever or hell, even make sense. But if you're gonna skimp on some aspect of the movie, then you have to make up for it in the action scenes. And naturally, this movie's action scenes are poorly conceived and not the least bit thrilling. But what do you expect when the director's name is "Kaos?"

Ugh.

That really sums up the movie right there. "Directed by Kaos." And surprise! A guy named "Kaos" has an affinity for really terrible techno/house/electronica music, so he decided to put it in his stupid movie! Sorry buddy, just because you enjoy boring, repetitive drivel doesn't mean you should throw it in your action scenes.

This movie might have been successful if it were released eight or nine years earlier. This has mid-90's action movie written all over it. The plot is incredibly derivative and even the one-liners are facepalm-inducing. This movie is exactly what the average studio exec thinks the American public wants. Thank the flying spaghetti monster that they rejected this tripe and instead opted for something more artistic and thought-provoking.

As always, leave your thoughts in the comments section below or email us with your suggestions at cinematicfacepalm@gmail.com!


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