"The Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon" - Maria's Take

Okay, so you know that feeling when you are mindlessly staring at the same paragraph for what feels like hours, only to take absolutely nothing away from the reading?

Yeah, this movie kind of feels like that.

I'm still not entirely sure what this movie was about. There was some dragon/moth/knight Aztec god guy that kept our heroes running around the famous Grand Canyon caves, but other than that, the whole movie is pretty fuzzy. I think my favorite part occurred near the end: after one character supposedly sacrifices himself, and all of his scenes are replayed.

No, I'm not kidding.

The acting actually wasn't as bad as many of the other films Zach and I have screened. Michael Shanks' character, Jacob Thain, reminded me of a watered-down Niles Crane. He was a fun, Aztec-factoid spewing, nerdy professor who was conveniently placed to provide both the audience and the crew of museum folk (I am guessing here, I know Shannon Doherty was on a rescue mission, but I'm not sure if the others where archeologists or scientists or what) with useful knowledge about the Aztec civilization.

The writing, however, was painful. Every single line was a cliche. The garbage that spewed forth from Ms. Doherty's ever-pouting piehole was nothing more than contrived, unoriginal putrescence. The plot and time-line were muddled, though granted, I paid very little attention to most of this movie. I can't explain what was wrong with this film, boring just isn't the right word.

Remember when you were a kid and you and your ragtag group of miscreant friends decided to act out your own version of "Indiana Jones." And remember how you had that one friend, the guy who you really didn't like but hung out with you anyway? Do you recollect how he used to change the rules of the "Indiana Jones" game so much that it lost any sense of what you set out to originally play? Now pretend some hotshot Hollywood producer gave said friend a couple million dollars to build a set and throw some extras into the background...

Welcome to "The Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon."