It's so inept, so stilted and lifeless, so hammy and pretentious. This is bad even for Troma standards. I don't even know where to begin in tearing this thing apart. It's not so bad it's good -- there's very little entertainment value here.
I suppose the best way to describe this film is if Uwe Boll saw Creepshow and decided he could make the same film on a budget of roughly twelve dollars. What I mean is this is an anthology horror movie where the seams show through in every frame. Cheap, claustrophobic sets. Cheesy make-up and production "design." And sub-community theater level acting. Let's just say there's a reason Gunnar Hansen never spoke a word when he played Leatherface in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
I think the biggest sign of incompetence in this film lies within the tone. Whereas Creepshow homaged the EC Comics upon which it was based by being deliberately hokey at parts, Hellblock 13 plays things pretty much straight. There are hints at intentional humor during a particularly boring segment that takes place in a trailer park, but for the most part, this film is actually trying to be scary. It is a spectacular failure.
The only positive thing I can say is that because this film is so poorly conceived, none of the stories presented have any point whatsoever. This means that the film dispatches with characters who we are supposed to be rooting for and connecting with. Which is kind of fun, because you aren't expecting those characters to die. Sadly, as I mentioned, the gore effects are terrible, so when those kills do come, they are supremely disappointing.
There really isn't much more to say than that. Even if this film were the only film left on Netflix Instant Watch that you hadn't seen, it would still not be worth it just to say you've seen them all. Go watch Creepshow, instead.
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