"Movies are so rarely great art that if we cannot appreciate great trash we have very little reason to be interested in them." - Pauline Kael
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Coming Soon! "The Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon"
Wait, Aztecs have been living in a cave somewhere in close proximity to the Grand Canyon? Okay, I'll buy that.
WAIT, Shannen Doherty keeps getting work?!
"Funky Monkey" - Maria's Take
You know what I liked about this movie? The comedy was subtle.
Comedies today are all about parody; these days it is tough to find a perfectly timed kicked-in-the-crotch gag. Well, my lovely CFP readers, "Funky Monkey" gives you not one, but two beautifully shot, wonderfully executed kicked-in-the-crotch routines.
This movie reminded me of those I loved as a kid, "Dunston Checks In," "Air Bud," and "Gordy." It never tries to be smarter or wittier than it is, and for that I am really appreciative. The majority of popular movies today have smack-talking rodents ripping off the slow motion scenes from "The Matrix." Is "Funky Monkey" a brilliant film that will make kids smarter? No. Is "Funky Monkey" a silly, stupid movie with fun to watch sight gags? Absolutely.
The premise of the movie is second to watching the monkey, "Clemens," make silly faces. The story revolves around smooth-talking, skateboard riding "McCall," played by Matthew Modine. Remember Matthew Modine? He was in "Full Metal Jacket." Did you wonder what happened to him? He is playing second banana to a chimp. (Pardon the pun). Anyway, McCall discovers that the company he is contracted to, Z.I.T., is performing experiments on their animals. The specifics of the experiments are never fully explained, but they apparently require the monkeys to wear stupid costumes. McCall's best bud, the forementioned Clemens, is too awesome to be experimented on (he knows kung-fu for God's sake), so McCall saves him, and restores Clemens dignity by attiring him in Hawaiian shirts--thus, Clemens' transformation into utmost funkiness.
All the while, young Michael Dean, an apparent genius (I say apparent because we are only told this fact, honestly, I found him pretty dopey), is trying to score the attention of cheerleader Christina. Of course, as this is a movie about high school, Michael is picked on by the bigger, electric-scooter riding football players.
The two stories eventually collide and ultimately evil wins. No, I kid, I kid, the bad guys lose and Michael gets his kiss. Sorry to spoil the movie, but honestly, as I mentioned before, the premise is nowhere near as entertaining as watching Clemens make silly faces when he is not being coached.
Overall, it is really hard for me to trash this movie. It wasn't brilliant and didn't offer me anything, but it was fun to watch and, several times, intentionally funny. If I were 8 or 9, I probably would've watched this movie several times a week.
I apologize if you wanted me to attack this movie or call it out on its misgivings. Sure, Michael's acting is atrocious and he obviously went through puberty while shooting--he has a mustache in certain scenes, but this wasn't exactly a challenging role. The most ridiculous part was the adult actors cast: Roma Downey, Matthew Modine, and Jeffrey Tambor. All three of these well-respected actors accepted roles in a film called, "Funky Monkey." It is just difficult to be harsh or critical of a movie that never tries to be something it isn't.
Next week however, we are watching a movie about people finding ancient treasure in the Grand Canyon...oh yeah, it is going to be epic.
Comedies today are all about parody; these days it is tough to find a perfectly timed kicked-in-the-crotch gag. Well, my lovely CFP readers, "Funky Monkey" gives you not one, but two beautifully shot, wonderfully executed kicked-in-the-crotch routines.
This movie reminded me of those I loved as a kid, "Dunston Checks In," "Air Bud," and "Gordy." It never tries to be smarter or wittier than it is, and for that I am really appreciative. The majority of popular movies today have smack-talking rodents ripping off the slow motion scenes from "The Matrix." Is "Funky Monkey" a brilliant film that will make kids smarter? No. Is "Funky Monkey" a silly, stupid movie with fun to watch sight gags? Absolutely.
The premise of the movie is second to watching the monkey, "Clemens," make silly faces. The story revolves around smooth-talking, skateboard riding "McCall," played by Matthew Modine. Remember Matthew Modine? He was in "Full Metal Jacket." Did you wonder what happened to him? He is playing second banana to a chimp. (Pardon the pun). Anyway, McCall discovers that the company he is contracted to, Z.I.T., is performing experiments on their animals. The specifics of the experiments are never fully explained, but they apparently require the monkeys to wear stupid costumes. McCall's best bud, the forementioned Clemens, is too awesome to be experimented on (he knows kung-fu for God's sake), so McCall saves him, and restores Clemens dignity by attiring him in Hawaiian shirts--thus, Clemens' transformation into utmost funkiness.
All the while, young Michael Dean, an apparent genius (I say apparent because we are only told this fact, honestly, I found him pretty dopey), is trying to score the attention of cheerleader Christina. Of course, as this is a movie about high school, Michael is picked on by the bigger, electric-scooter riding football players.
The two stories eventually collide and ultimately evil wins. No, I kid, I kid, the bad guys lose and Michael gets his kiss. Sorry to spoil the movie, but honestly, as I mentioned before, the premise is nowhere near as entertaining as watching Clemens make silly faces when he is not being coached.
Overall, it is really hard for me to trash this movie. It wasn't brilliant and didn't offer me anything, but it was fun to watch and, several times, intentionally funny. If I were 8 or 9, I probably would've watched this movie several times a week.
I apologize if you wanted me to attack this movie or call it out on its misgivings. Sure, Michael's acting is atrocious and he obviously went through puberty while shooting--he has a mustache in certain scenes, but this wasn't exactly a challenging role. The most ridiculous part was the adult actors cast: Roma Downey, Matthew Modine, and Jeffrey Tambor. All three of these well-respected actors accepted roles in a film called, "Funky Monkey." It is just difficult to be harsh or critical of a movie that never tries to be something it isn't.
Next week however, we are watching a movie about people finding ancient treasure in the Grand Canyon...oh yeah, it is going to be epic.
"Funky Monkey" -- Zach's Take
This movie is a product. Nothing more. It's a coldly calculated piece of trash concocted by a bunch of marketing people. A by-product of quadrant-checking and buzzwords. A commodity produced by a cynical group of suits at Warner Bros.
And I laughed my ass off all the way through it.
You see, Funky Monkey (or as I like to call it, Jeffery Tambor and Gilbert Gottfried Have Gambling Debts to Pay) is a bold and daring exercise in unintentional anti-comedy.
Okay, okay, so maybe it's neither bold nor daring, but it is consistently laugh-out-loud funny. That is, if you're approaching it in the right mindset. The Homer Simpson mindset.
I wasn't laughing with the movie. I wasn't even laughing at the movie. I was laughing at the people who would laugh with the movie. The lowest common denominator. The Homer Simpsons of the world. All I could picture throughout the movie, whether it was the first time someone got kicked in the groin or the fifteenth time the monkey made a fart noise with his mouth, was Homer laughing hysterically and genuinely at the absurdity on display.
Picture every family comedy trope you can think of and this movie has it. From the aforementioned between-the-legs kick in the nuts shot, to the turning-the-blender-on-without-putting-the-lid-on gag, to the dimwitted villainous lackey duo, this movie has it all. It's like the screenwriters (yes, it took more than one person to write this movie) had a quota of idiotic gags to fulfill and they decided to go above and beyond.
But like I said, all you need to do to enjoy this movie is to imagine the kind of person who helped propel Epic Movie to box office success obnoxiously guffawing at every lame, tired joke. I guarantee you will be doing the same in no time (obnoxiously guffawing that is, not giving more money to the Epic Movie guys...hopefully).
As always, leave your thoughts in the comments below or email us with suggestions at cinematicfacepalm@gmail.com
And I laughed my ass off all the way through it.
You see, Funky Monkey (or as I like to call it, Jeffery Tambor and Gilbert Gottfried Have Gambling Debts to Pay) is a bold and daring exercise in unintentional anti-comedy.
Okay, okay, so maybe it's neither bold nor daring, but it is consistently laugh-out-loud funny. That is, if you're approaching it in the right mindset. The Homer Simpson mindset.
I wasn't laughing with the movie. I wasn't even laughing at the movie. I was laughing at the people who would laugh with the movie. The lowest common denominator. The Homer Simpsons of the world. All I could picture throughout the movie, whether it was the first time someone got kicked in the groin or the fifteenth time the monkey made a fart noise with his mouth, was Homer laughing hysterically and genuinely at the absurdity on display.
Picture every family comedy trope you can think of and this movie has it. From the aforementioned between-the-legs kick in the nuts shot, to the turning-the-blender-on-without-putting-the-lid-on gag, to the dimwitted villainous lackey duo, this movie has it all. It's like the screenwriters (yes, it took more than one person to write this movie) had a quota of idiotic gags to fulfill and they decided to go above and beyond.
But like I said, all you need to do to enjoy this movie is to imagine the kind of person who helped propel Epic Movie to box office success obnoxiously guffawing at every lame, tired joke. I guarantee you will be doing the same in no time (obnoxiously guffawing that is, not giving more money to the Epic Movie guys...hopefully).
As always, leave your thoughts in the comments below or email us with suggestions at cinematicfacepalm@gmail.com
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Coming Soon! "Funky Monkey"
I could not find a trailer, but hopefully this little tidbit will give you an idea of this sure-to-be brilliant piece of movie-making.
Come on, it is a movie called "Funky Monkey." This is going to be amazing.
Reader Request #1 "Drive Thru" - Maria's Take
This movie is the Carlos Mencia of horror movies.
A smarter, more put-together movie might have been able to pull off blatant theft as homage, but in this lazy piece of cinema it is what it is--blatant theft. I understand that with horror movies, originality is not as important as ridiculous kills, absurd monsters and scene after scene of gratuitous nudity. It would be an extreme challenge to find a pair of movie-goers more obsessed with the cheesy slasher film than Zach and I, however, much like "Santa's Slay," this movie is all over the place, and I was at a loss for any redeeming value.
The lead character, Mackenzie, played unevenly by Leighton Meester, is a difficult character to like. In one scene she is a raging bitch, and the very next she is a giggling idiot. Her dopey friends are stolen caricatures of other horror teens, but they lack the heart so necessary for me to care. In some horror movies, you are supposed to root for the monster, but I wasn't sure who I was supposed to root for; all I did was pray that each scene was the last.
I think there was some tongue-in-cheek moral hidden most unsubtly in the shadows of this movie. Apparently smoking pot will make you an arsonist and fast food will get you murdered. Okay, fine. This film might actually work better if these little "lessons" were more center-stage. However, most unfortunately, the filmmakers decide supernatural elements are way more rational explanations for a sociopath. I think a far more entertaining movie would consist of a psycho-vegan slaughtering teenagers as they chow down on Big Macs--some Dante's Inferno contra-passo madness.
But, alas, that would be too clever.
I think the most asinine moment occurs when good ol' Mac[kenzie] enters the killer's room and discovers he has a magic 8 ball. For clarification, Mac[kenzie]'s apparently possessed pink magic 8 ball foretold a murder earlier in the film. So, of course, because Horny the Clown also has a magic 8 ball, "that explains that." Wait, what? Do magic 8 balls share some magical connection? I really have no idea how logic works in this movie.
Anyway, the ending leaves open the option for a sequel. Yippee.
Thank you Anh and Billy for putting this dreadful work on our radar. If you would like us to review your favorite awful film, leave a comment here or on our facebook page!
A smarter, more put-together movie might have been able to pull off blatant theft as homage, but in this lazy piece of cinema it is what it is--blatant theft. I understand that with horror movies, originality is not as important as ridiculous kills, absurd monsters and scene after scene of gratuitous nudity. It would be an extreme challenge to find a pair of movie-goers more obsessed with the cheesy slasher film than Zach and I, however, much like "Santa's Slay," this movie is all over the place, and I was at a loss for any redeeming value.
The lead character, Mackenzie, played unevenly by Leighton Meester, is a difficult character to like. In one scene she is a raging bitch, and the very next she is a giggling idiot. Her dopey friends are stolen caricatures of other horror teens, but they lack the heart so necessary for me to care. In some horror movies, you are supposed to root for the monster, but I wasn't sure who I was supposed to root for; all I did was pray that each scene was the last.
I think there was some tongue-in-cheek moral hidden most unsubtly in the shadows of this movie. Apparently smoking pot will make you an arsonist and fast food will get you murdered. Okay, fine. This film might actually work better if these little "lessons" were more center-stage. However, most unfortunately, the filmmakers decide supernatural elements are way more rational explanations for a sociopath. I think a far more entertaining movie would consist of a psycho-vegan slaughtering teenagers as they chow down on Big Macs--some Dante's Inferno contra-passo madness.
But, alas, that would be too clever.
I think the most asinine moment occurs when good ol' Mac[kenzie] enters the killer's room and discovers he has a magic 8 ball. For clarification, Mac[kenzie]'s apparently possessed pink magic 8 ball foretold a murder earlier in the film. So, of course, because Horny the Clown also has a magic 8 ball, "that explains that." Wait, what? Do magic 8 balls share some magical connection? I really have no idea how logic works in this movie.
Anyway, the ending leaves open the option for a sequel. Yippee.
Thank you Anh and Billy for putting this dreadful work on our radar. If you would like us to review your favorite awful film, leave a comment here or on our facebook page!
Reader Request #1: "Drive Thru" - Zach's Take
I don't really have much to say about this movie.
It's painfully dull. Horribly shot. There's absolutely no tension to be found in the kill scenes. Which, by the way, are the second worst aspect of the movie. For some reason, the directors thought that shaking the camera and speed-ramping the action, all the while blasting awful, bland industrial metal would somehow result in an interesting or exciting scene. Not so.
Also, all but two of the deaths in the movie are done off-screen. I don't think these guys have ever even seen a horror movie before.
The worst aspect of the movie, however, is that the central conceit is woefully underused and essentially ignored. The filmmakers had a great opportunity to make a fun and bloody horror-comedy with a fast food chain mascot slashing his way through swaths of dumb teenagers. Instead, they made painfully boring, relatively bloodless film that, at the very least includes swaths of dumb teenagers.
Drive Thru is one of those terrible straight-to-DVD films that you're always afraid of seeing when you sit down to watch a bad movie. It's not ironically enjoyable. Nothing is laughably bad. There's nothing remotely memorable. I watched it less than 24 hours ago and I can hardly remember a single thing about the movie other than just how worthless it is.
As always, please leave your thoughts in the comments section below. Or, you can email us at cinematicfacepalm@gmail.com with your suggestions for future reviews!
It's painfully dull. Horribly shot. There's absolutely no tension to be found in the kill scenes. Which, by the way, are the second worst aspect of the movie. For some reason, the directors thought that shaking the camera and speed-ramping the action, all the while blasting awful, bland industrial metal would somehow result in an interesting or exciting scene. Not so.
Also, all but two of the deaths in the movie are done off-screen. I don't think these guys have ever even seen a horror movie before.
The worst aspect of the movie, however, is that the central conceit is woefully underused and essentially ignored. The filmmakers had a great opportunity to make a fun and bloody horror-comedy with a fast food chain mascot slashing his way through swaths of dumb teenagers. Instead, they made painfully boring, relatively bloodless film that, at the very least includes swaths of dumb teenagers.
Drive Thru is one of those terrible straight-to-DVD films that you're always afraid of seeing when you sit down to watch a bad movie. It's not ironically enjoyable. Nothing is laughably bad. There's nothing remotely memorable. I watched it less than 24 hours ago and I can hardly remember a single thing about the movie other than just how worthless it is.
As always, please leave your thoughts in the comments section below. Or, you can email us at cinematicfacepalm@gmail.com with your suggestions for future reviews!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Coming Soon: "Drive-Thru"
"Horny the Clown," eh? Sounds classy.
This is our first reader request. So now that you know we're listening, leave your requests in the comments below or email us at cinematicfacepalm@gmail.com!
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