Reader Request #1 "Drive Thru" - Maria's Take

This movie is the Carlos Mencia of horror movies.

A smarter, more put-together movie might have been able to pull off blatant theft as homage, but in this lazy piece of cinema it is what it is--blatant theft. I understand that with horror movies, originality is not as important as ridiculous kills, absurd monsters and scene after scene of gratuitous nudity. It would be an extreme challenge to find a pair of movie-goers more obsessed with the cheesy slasher film than Zach and I, however, much like "Santa's Slay," this movie is all over the place, and I was at a loss for any redeeming value.

The lead character, Mackenzie, played unevenly by Leighton Meester, is a difficult character to like. In one scene she is a raging bitch, and the very next she is a giggling idiot. Her dopey friends are stolen caricatures of other horror teens, but they lack the heart so necessary for me to care. In some horror movies, you are supposed to root for the monster, but I wasn't sure who I was supposed to root for; all I did was pray that each scene was the last.

I think there was some tongue-in-cheek moral hidden most unsubtly in the shadows of this movie. Apparently smoking pot will make you an arsonist and fast food will get you murdered. Okay, fine. This film might actually work better if these little "lessons" were more center-stage. However, most unfortunately, the filmmakers decide supernatural elements are way more rational explanations for a sociopath. I think a far more entertaining movie would consist of a psycho-vegan slaughtering teenagers as they chow down on Big Macs--some Dante's Inferno contra-passo madness.

But, alas, that would be too clever.

I think the most asinine moment occurs when good ol' Mac[kenzie] enters the killer's room and discovers he has a magic 8 ball. For clarification, Mac[kenzie]'s apparently possessed pink magic 8 ball foretold a murder earlier in the film. So, of course, because Horny the Clown also has a magic 8 ball, "that explains that." Wait, what? Do magic 8 balls share some magical connection? I really have no idea how logic works in this movie.

Anyway, the ending leaves open the option for a sequel. Yippee.

Thank you Anh and Billy for putting this dreadful work on our radar. If you would like us to review your favorite awful film, leave a comment here or on our facebook page!

Reader Request #1: "Drive Thru" - Zach's Take

I don't really have much to say about this movie.

It's painfully dull. Horribly shot. There's absolutely no tension to be found in the kill scenes. Which, by the way, are the second worst aspect of the movie. For some reason, the directors thought that shaking the camera and speed-ramping the action, all the while blasting awful, bland industrial metal would somehow result in an interesting or exciting scene. Not so.

Also, all but two of the deaths in the movie are done off-screen. I don't think these guys have ever even seen a horror movie before.

The worst aspect of the movie, however, is that the central conceit is woefully underused and essentially ignored. The filmmakers had a great opportunity to make a fun and bloody horror-comedy with a fast food chain mascot slashing his way through swaths of dumb teenagers. Instead, they made painfully boring, relatively bloodless film that, at the very least includes swaths of dumb teenagers.

Drive Thru is one of those terrible straight-to-DVD films that you're always afraid of seeing when you sit down to watch a bad movie. It's not ironically enjoyable. Nothing is laughably bad. There's nothing remotely memorable. I watched it less than 24 hours ago and I can hardly remember a single thing about the movie other than just how worthless it is.

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