C Me Dance - Zach's Take

Well, what do you say about a film whose producers are clearly batshit insane? Not insane like Tommy Wiseau insane. No, I'm talking Earth is 6000 years old, Jesus walked with dinosaurs, fundamentalist Christian insane.

The great thing about C Me Dance is just how earnest it is. It plays with all the worst and goofiest aspects of Christian mythology with a totally straight face. It unflinchingly introduces Lucifer as a honest-to-badness physical being -- he's not a metaphor or an idea. Nope. He's a fucking ugly dude in a black trench coat. Lucifer threatens Sherri (rhymes with Marie...yeah, I know) and her father with empty words but never actually does anything besides stand around looking like a reject vampire from an episode of 'Buffy.' Sadly, Satan's screen time in the film is essentially non-existent, which makes it even more baffling why they even decided to make him a real character in it to begin with. Not that the film contains any actual characters anyway... *HIYOOOOOOOOOO*

But seriously, this piece of junk was shot on RED and somehow manages to look worse than family videos shot on a consumer handicam.

More perplexing is the absence of any kind of conflict or drama. I mean, Sherri's entire character arc occurs within the first act! She learns she has cancer, has a crisis of faith, the cancer goes away somehow and her faith is completely restored within the first 30 minutes. The next hour depicts Sherri becoming some sort of prophet who doesn't need to speak in order to convert people...but delivers a final speech anyway.

Writer, director, and star Greg Robbins claims in an interview that the film was not produced for fellow Christians, instead, he insists that C Me Dance was made in order to convert non-believers. Well, Mr. Robbins, this film hasn't made me a Christian, but it has certainly made me a disciple of your cinematic travesty.